THE BOAT GUYS WORDOLOGY

A tourist asked a boat guy, “Do you know Biology, Psychology,
Geography, Geology or Criminology?”
The boat guy said, “NO….” not any.
The tourist then asked, “What the hell do you know on the face of this
earth? You will die of illiteracy!”
The boat guy said nothing…..

After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking.
The boatman then asked the tourist, “Do you know Swimology and Escapology
from Crocodiology?”
The tourist said, “NO!”
The boat guy replied, “Well today you will Drownology and Crocodiology
will eat your Assology and you will Dieology because of your
Badmouthology”

A Colleague asked me wether it was possible to leave a phone with your lover …. and sent me this .

One Friday morning,Themba woke up
hurriedly and prepared  for  work. He worked in
a busy institution and was expected early at work . His wife
worked a distance from where her husband’s
office was.
As a result of doing things in a hurry,
Themba unknowingly, carried his wife’s
mobile phone leaving behind his own.
After he had gone his wife Lerato noticed
the mix-up but it was too late  for  her  to  do
anything about it. She thought for a while &
decided  to  carry her husband’s phone in
case he came back  for it. On arriving at his
place of work Themba noticed that he had
confused his wife’s phone  for  his but decided
not  to go back for  it.
He sighed deeply because he knew his wife could
access romantic messages sent by his many
mistresses.His wife too was disgusted because
she had several toy boys.
Drama began  to unfold when Themba
received an SMS intended for his wife sent by
somebody saved as ‘Peter-Taxi’, which
read,  “Hi sweetie, hope yo monin’ is fine, 4
me am okay just mad! My love 4 you kills me.
I cldn’t stop dreaming about u even after  a
good fuck  last evening coz u hold the
password to ma heart.” Themba was
shocked  to  see this  & thought he
understood why his wife had come  home
late the previous evening. He decided  to
stay  numb to see what more would come.
After an hour he received another SMS from
somebody saved as ‘Susan-Salon’ which
read, “Moning darling, hope ur fine, am also
fine but not so fine without seeing you next
to me  squeezing yo breats coz u control
every part of ma heart. Nice day Ratu, see u
at lunch.”
The third SMS ticked in from somebody
saved as ‘Winnie-Handbags’ which read,
“Moning ma beautiful queen, I wish you were
a gum, I wld chew u every time, u make me
feel young like I was born yesterday, without
u I wld go on a hunger strike. Have a bright
day ma dear.”
Themba was deeply shocked by these
messages but knew that on the other side his
wife might be seeing drama too.
Meanwhile, Lerato had seen even more than
her husband. She had received  3 messages
from 3 women that clearly showed they were
his mistresses. The first SMS was from a
woman saved as ‘Sparklin Klean-Car wash’
which read, “Hi deah how’s ur morning? 4
me am okay with ur son here, he says he
loves you so much n you should come n stay
with us. Love u
Lerato almost fainted on seeing this because
she could not believe that her husband had a
son outside marriage.
Before her anger was over, she received
a  2nd SMS from’ ‘ News Paper – Deliverer’
which read, “Monin ma deah, ope ur enjoyin
ur day. Mine can’t be complete without u.
Every time I sleep in this house u bought 4
me I dream 2 love u always. The B M W u
bought me is  just so perfect on road.
Thanks,  again.”
The last message came from ‘ Barbar Shop’
and read, “Sasa honey!! Hope u r fine. pls i
am not happy wit u. u promised  2 send me
money since last week, But i have not seen
it. honey pls send me the 40k 4 the
project. Have a nice day, love you big time “
Lerato had found the answer  to why  her
husband was always penniless!
When evening came Themba  & Lerato met
at home. They could hardly talk but only
stared at one another with suspicion.

Psalm 40 – KJV

To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.
1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he
inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 2 He
brought me up also out of an horrible pit,
out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon
a rock, and established my goings. 3 And
he hath put a new song in my mouth, even
praise unto our God: many shall see it,
and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. 4
Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord
his trust, and respecteth not the proud,
nor such as turn aside to lies. 5 Many, O
Lord my God, are thy wonderful works
which thou hast done, and thy thoughts
which are to us-ward: they cannot be
reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would
declare and speak of them, they are more
than can be numbered.
6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not
desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt
offering and sin offering hast thou not
required. 7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the
volume of the book it is written of me, 8 I
delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy
law is within my heart. 9 I have preached
righteousness in the great congregation:
lo, I have not refrained my lips, O Lord,
thou knowest. 10 I have not hid thy
righteousness within my heart; I have
declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation:
I have not concealed thy lovingkindness
and thy truth from the great congregation.
11 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies
from me, O Lord: let thy lovingkindness
and thy truth continually preserve me. 12
For innumerable evils have compassed me
about: mine iniquities have taken hold
upon me, so that I am not able to look up;
they are more than the hairs of mine
head: therefore my heart faileth me. 13 Be
pleased, O Lord, to deliver me: O Lord,
make haste to help me. 14 Let them be
ashamed and confounded together that
seek after my soul to destroy it; let them
be driven backward and put to shame that
wish me evil. 15 Let them be desolate for
a reward of their shame that say unto me,
Aha, aha. 16 Let all those that seek thee
rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as
love thy salvation say continually, The Lord
be magnified. 17 But I am poor and needy;
yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art
my help and my deliverer; make no
tarrying, O my God.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR ( you might just get it )

You pray to God to send you a partner in
your life and when He does, you don’t
treat them right. You have been so badly
damaged by past relationships that it
makes you resort back to your old ways of
doing things.
You pray to God for a job just months down the line you develop negativity towards it.
You need to know that you are ready to
handle what God is sending you. Be
prepared for the blessings that is about to
come your way because when it does, you
need to take care of it. Be careful what
you pray for. You might just get it.

TRIBAL COUSINS : Chief Chitimukulu & Chief Mpezeni

Chief Mpenzeni and Chief Chitimukulu were
visiting Chief Mukuni and sat in his Insaka
enjoying Chibwantu and Gankata.
After a few cups of the brew, chief
Chitimukula started to brag:
Chitimukulu : My chiefdom brought you
Donald Nkabika of Andrew Kurt, who gave
us Mobile Toilets. We also have Kapembwa
Simbao who brought you Mobile Hospitals.
Not to be out done..Chief Mpezeni
interjected..
Mpezeni : Naseo tekupani a Mobile
President pela..Akulu mpuno

SOURCE:
http://www.zeleaks.com

EMMANUEL , God with us .

In the Bible, Jesus has many names that
identify His character. One of those names
is Emmanuel, which means “God with us.”
Before Jesus came to earth, the Spirit of
God resided in the temple. The people had
to go through all sorts of rituals to become
clean enough to go near Him. Now, as
believers, we are the temple of the Holy
Spirit. When we accept Jesus as our Lord
and Savior, He is the one who cleanses us
and actually makes His home in our hearts.
Isn’t it good to know that God is with us?
He is closer than the very air that we
breathe. His peace is always with us. His
joy is always with us. His power is always
with us, and His victory is always with us.
The next time you feel alone, remember,
you serve Emmanuel — the God who is
always with you!

YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY (WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LISTEN?)

In any relationship listening without
interrupting your partner is very
important. You see, when you don’t listen,
it says many things. It says that you don’t
respect your partner and what they have
to say doesn’t mean anything to you. It
shows that you are not patient because it
takes patience to wait for the other person
to finish what they are saying.
It also shows that you don’t have any self
control which is to keep quiet while your
partner is speaking. It also shows that you
are only interested in yourself and your
own thoughts. James 1:19 says we should
be quick to listen but slow to speak.
Nothing, when you are in the middle of an
argument will get resolved if you both keep
interrupting each other or talking over one
another and getting louder and louder in
the process. Hear me when I tell you this.
If you get this area under control, your
relationship will only get better.

STOP ACTING LIKE THE WORLD

Romans 12:2 Don’t be like the people of
this world, but let God change the way you
think. Then you will know how to do
everything that is good and pleasing to
him. – The way we think comes before we
act. When you accepted Jesus as your
personal Lord and Savior, your mind
should be on the path of renewal, the way
you thought before should be transformed,
the way you acted before should be
completely changed.
Acting like the world should not even be
considered anymore. If you have slipped
back into that worldly thinking, let God
change the way you think so you can
please Him the right way and live a true
Christian life like you are supposed to. It
may not always be easy, but with the Help
that God provides you will succeed and
win.

DO YOU FAIL TO PLAN?

There is a saying that you may have heard
and it says: People don’t plan to fail, they
fail to plan. Are you in that category? If
you want your business to be successful,
you must plan your strategies. How to start
the business, how much money do I need,
where do I get the products from, how can
I make the sale or what happens when
someone says no.
These are just a few of the things that you
have to plan for. Without a plan you will as
many have done in the past failed. To
make sure this doesn’t happen to you start
writing down the questions you will have
to face as well as the answers that will
keep you going until you reach your
desired goal and achievement.
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IS YOUR OWN WILL POWER ENOUGH ?

Will-power versus God-power. It is good to
have will-power when it comes to the
ability to do things or stay away from
temptation, but sometimes will-power is
not enough. It can fail you when you need
it the most.
God-power on the other hand will NEVER
fail you if you have faith and believe. God-
power will take over when your own will-
power just can’t continue on. So let us
pray each day that God give us His power
when we need it the most.